Perspective: Stalking Is Not Romantic

When I was in college in the United States, someone stalked my roommate. 

My roommate, let’s call her Julia, met her would-be stalker at a party held for Malaysian students at the university we attended. She didn’t think anything of it since he barely registered on her radar. But she made a big impression on him and he soon let her know.

First, the emails started. He had figured out her student email address and sent her a note from his account saying hi. She showed it to me. I was creeped out because although our student account names were not that hard to figure out, it still required people to have our first and last names. And considering the name my friend went by was not her actual first name, it meant her stalker did some investigation or asked someone for her email address.

Julia felt uncomfortable with the email but did not want to “seem rude” as he was part of the small community of Malaysian students at the university. 

So she replied politely and somewhat coldly. The emails continued even when she stopped responding. He then escalated by clocking in where she was on any given day, commenting on her clothes and how she looked. At that point, she asked him to leave her alone. 

The emails continued.

Finally, armed with copies of his emails and her requests for him to stop, we went to the university’s Office of Student Affairs and filed a complaint. The office contacted him, informed him of the students’ code of conduct and warned him against contacting my roommate again.

Julia’s case was like Malaysian photographer Acacia Diana’s, albeit much more brief and less severe. Acacia shared her experience of being stalked for almost eight years in an X, formerly known as Twitter, thread.

Acacia said the alleged stalker had stalked her since 2016, even following her to the United Kingdom, until he was finally arrested and charged in Malaysia recently under amendments to the Penal Code and Criminal Procedure Code that make stalking a criminal offence. The amendments came into force on May 31 this year.

Under the new Section 507A of the Penal Code, stalking is defined as a repeated act of harassment, which is intended or is likely to cause distress, fear, or alarm to any person for their safety.

Acacia posted feeling suicidal, helpless and frustrated.

Unlike Acacia, my friend’s stalker limited his stalking to sending emails. There was no social media then and our university had an active Office of Student Affairs. If it had happened today, Julia’s stalker would have had various ways to contact her anonymously and more ways to track her movements.

Despite technology making it easier for stalkers to track their victims, there are tried and true ways to improve the protection of victims and prevent stalking.

 

Stalking is very common. A 2020 survey by the Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) found 88 percent of the respondents (respondents totalled 1,008 and comprised men and women) had been stalked, with more women reporting experiencing stalking than men. While most considered it wrong, 31 percent did not.

I thought the results were rather contradictory and insightful – why is it that a third of the respondents considered stalking as no big deal even though almost all of them have been stalked?

“Overwhelmingly, more women experience stalking compared to men. Because the idea of control, the idea of power … the behaviour is seen as part of normal masculine behaviour,” said Associate Prof Datuk Noraida Endut, director of the Women's Development Research Centre at Universiti Sains Malaysia.

Other experts agreed. WAO advocacy director Abinaya Mohan said many, be they men or women, still consider some “light” stalking behaviours as romantic or a normal part of flirtation. In a few cases, the stalking has led to death. 

In 2021, a 23-year-old man fatally stabbed his 31-year-old girlfriend in front of her children in Ipoh, Perak. She had reported him to the police many times for breaking into her home and harassing her. He was arrested for trespassing but broke into her home again after his release.

“Here we have this tendency to think that women belong to men anyways so if (he) wants to claim you, or if (he) wants to follow you around because that’s how (he) shows you (he’s) interested, then you have to respond. And if you don’t respond, (he) has the power to take it out on you,” Abinaya said.

Another horrible aspect of stalking is how insidious it is. Even with a “mild” case of stalking, the effects are there. 

When she was being stalked, Julia was anxious, she had trouble sleeping and she kept feeling like she was being watched. And when the Office of Student Affairs told her that her stalker tried to claim he was not stalking her but was actually her boyfriend, she almost had a meltdown. She feared the authorities would not believe her or think she had invited the stalking.

The stalking did not last long so her grades were not affected, but many victims cannot say the same. Victims have reported an inability to focus on their work or studies, or feeling it is not safe for them to go out, travel alone or socialise.

Victim-blaming occurs often when victims of stalking seek assistance. When Acacia shared her seven-year ordeal online, most netizens were supportive. However, a few accused her of being an attention-seeker and blamed her for not going into hiding once she knew she was being stalked.

Gender equity activist and broadcast journalist Tehmina Kaoosji said she has had people show up at her office at the end of her shift.

“Being stalked comes from a very commonplace experience, not just as a woman in society but also being one who has a public profile due to the nature of my work,” she said.

In the end, stalking works to punish women for daring to defy traditional gender norms and live their lives in public.

“Women can't be in physical places because their stalkers are actually tracking their locations and looking at where they are … and they also cannot be in online spaces,” said Abinaya

 

Julia’s case has a happy ending. I don’t know if it was because her stalker was also a Malaysian and was worried about being expelled and/or losing his scholarship, but he stopped contacting her after the officials from the Office of Student Affairs warned him.

Acacia’s case is still developing, being the first case under the new anti-stalking legislation. A 37-year-old man was arrested and charged under Section 507A of the Penal Code for stalking her. Whether the law is adequate to address all the issues arising and connected to stalking – if found guilty, the perpetrator can be imprisoned for up to three years – is still up in the air.

Abinaya already has concerns over the implementation of the amended laws. She said she has received reports that police are turning away victims trying to file a police report.

“There was uncertainty on the ground from the police officers because they didn’t think it was a crime … because (the law) is so new. It’s trickling down so we’re hoping they are pushing for more awareness and training,” she said. 

She hoped the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission would provide a way for stalking victims to lodge reports to prevent their stalkers from harassing them online.

Experts added other frontliners, such as journalists and social workers, should also receive awareness training to understand the nuances surrounding stalking. 

“Similar to laws to provide redress for gender-based violence, for example, sexual harassment, it is imperative that there is continuous periodic awareness raising of what stalking entails and publicity of the provisions of the law for it to be effective. In the long term, there is a need to monitor the implementation of this law to gauge its effectiveness and address any potential loophole,” said Lai Suat Yan, a senior lecturer at Universiti Malaya’s Gender Studies Programme.

There is no denying that the authorities and the public need to work hand in hand to combat stalking. The fact that Acacia’s case went viral as well as the ensuing outcry played a part in getting action taken against her alleged stalker.

As for my friend Julia, having our university’s Office of Student Affairs be proactive in helping and supporting her was crucial. The officers took her complaint, investigated and took action quickly.

Noraida said such awareness and support from the authorities are important, adding that awareness among the public of the definition and issues surrounding stalking was necessary as well.

“The fact that we are not hearing the cases is simply because victims, especially women, are not sure whether there is a recourse to it. They have the fear but they are not sure whether … it’s a crime,” she said.